Forgiveness is Ordinary

Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt psychology, wrote:

‘As long as we hold onto our resentments we never really grow up! We remain stuck, powerless and dependent children unable to separate from our parents.
In expending the obsessive energy and resentment we are held in bondage to the past and lose our ability to be fully present in the now.

Forgiveness helps the one who forgives.

When we forgive the energy that formally held the resentment in place can be used creatively.’
My therapist told me, ‘my suffering is ordinary’. This made me very resentful until I realized that I was enormously attached to my victimisation. That my victimisation was also a way for me to be accepted. I was the most wounded – I was special.
He showed me that this was making me avoid doing the grief work in order to get to forgiveness.
Many see suffering as a fact and a mystery of existence.
Job discovered, ‘Accept your suffering, do your grief work, forgive your offender and move on’.

We carry the dark secrets, unconscious dreams and noblest desires of our parent, grandparents, great grandparents etc.  They are holding us up or driving us forward.

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